My mother recently pointed out a personal flaw of mine which I'm sure I was aware of, but never really acknowledged. I should say that she wasn't being critical, but trying to help me navigate my way through the first disappointing situation of the new year. I know I'm being vague, but the details don't really matter. The point of this post, is the lesson I learned.
"You're kind of used to being in the driver's seat."
This was the simple phrase that hit home. I'm not one who would have ever described myself as - controlling. In fact, I'm pretty easy going, even laid back. She went on to explain that she understood that I have had to be "in the drivers seat" in a lot of areas of my life. Being single, you don't really have the option to let someone else handle things. Everything falls on you. Taking charge of everyday things like schedules and finances is something I do without even thinking about it. I like to keep all my little ducks in a row. It seems this habit may have carried over into other areas of my life. Well now that I've said it out loud - I kind of do sound controlling -YIKES! I've lived on my own for over 10 years. In that time I've become quite skilled in staying on top of things in my life as a source of security and comfort.
Of course I know the Sunday School response to all of this. I've never really been in control - God is in control. If I had opened my eyes to that fact, I probably would have spent a lot less time stressing out this past year. I would like to mention that I think I was able to yield to Him in certain areas, such as the new job and the move. However, if I could have applied such trust to every area, 2011 may have been more abundant. Maybe I missed a blessing because I couldn't take a step back and let God do the driving. With that said, there are a couple of situations from the past year where I wish I had a "do-over" - but I don't. At lease I can say I've learned a valuable lesson.
I'm a planner. I've said that on this blog before. You can read about it here. I obviously didn't learn the lesson the first time around. I guess I just needed a reminder of something I already knew, but wasn't living out in my daily life. Because I'm a planner, I like to know what's ahead of me. I like to see the whole picture. Sometimes I think God is wanting me to focus on the steps right in front of me and not worry about what's at the end of the road. He's got that covered.
Here's the lesson. . . .
God has a direction for me and He is doing the planning. He sees the big picture. He knows where we are going and when we will get there. Through all of this, I've come to realize a couple of things.
1) Clearly, we're going the long way-the scenic route, no doubt.
2) I'll be better equipped for the next chapter when I get there.
In the past few weeks I've read several stories about people picking a word or phrase for each year. This isn't something I've ever done before but I like the idea of it. I thought I'd give it a try this year and who knows, it may become a tradition.
My phase for 2012 will be "The Scenic Route" as I learn to appreciate the journey I'm on and ride along as a passenger, not the driver.
This year I will trust more, relax, and enjoy the view.