Saturday, December 15, 2012

Twelve in Twelve

This has certainly been an interesting year for me.  Some of you may remember my New Year’s post where I mentioned my love life, or lack thereof.  Here’s an excerpt from that post. . .

I haven't blogged much about this next subject because it's sort of personal, but I feel inclined to share. One thing I am praying for in this next year is a Godly man with whom I can share my already fabulous life. I'll be turning 36 this year and I'm certainly ready for such a great adventure. I feel that God has given me the desire to be married and have a family of my own. For whatever reason, it hasn't happened yet. I won't lie, it hasn't been easy over the years watching pretty much everyone I know find love, settle down and start their own families. I know I haven't always been patient about the waiting. In fact my impatience may very well have been the reason God said "No" when I thought I was ready for such a blessing. I hope that even in this past year, I've grown. I know now, more than ever that His timing is best. I can and will wait for my love story.

Here’s a little back story.  In the previous decade I dated very little. I recall going on two blind dates, both fix ups, arranged by a good friend.  I also met one man on a Christian dating website in February of 2011. We went on a few dates before things fizzled.  I’m still not entirely sure what happened in that situation. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. I decided to try online dating again in 2012. I had no idea how that one decision would completely change my year, maybe even my life.

So here’s the update.  I’ve been on 12 first dates this year, hence the name of this post – Twelve in Twelve.  Some of the dates were great, some not so much.  I will not use any names or even initials of the men when blogging about the dates. I also won't mention any specifics about where the men live.  I will refer to them by number only. I wanted to blog a little about these 12 guys, so I can look back and remember the dates when I'm feeling sorry for myself about sitting home alone on a Saturday night.  I also hope to look back as a married woman someday and be even more grateful for the love of my life and remember what I went through to find him.

Here’s the list. . . .

1.      40s, Divorced, IT/ part time music minister/ Preacher’s Kid -  Dated him in early 2012, then broke up.  We got back together and dated over the summer again.  We broke up just before school started this year.  He is the only man I've every been in love with.  I now know I am capable of that type of love for someone else.  It was fast, but the conversations were very serious, including a timeline for engagement and marriage, children, housing, ect. He very quickly moved on which made things hard. Looking back on it I realize he had some emotional problems and real issues with co-dependency.  It’s taken me a while to see it, but I know God was protecting me from a very negative situation. I was hurt, but he is forgiven and I am better for having lived through the whole experience.

2.       40s, Never Married, Associate Pastor – One date.  We never spoke on the phone before meeting in person.  He was very feminine.  He related planning worship services to putting on a Broadway musical. He had a purple iPhone cover.  He didn’t hold the door open or walk me to my car.  I'm a modern woman and it may be 2012, but come on. . . this is still the South.

3.       40s, Never Married, Software Engineer – One date.  He was very sweet and shy.  He told me that he visited his mother in Fort Worth every Friday night and would be able to see me late Saturday afternoons only.  He showed little emotion when talking, very monotone. There just wasn't a great connection.

4.       Late 40s, Never Married, PhD/former educator/business owner/Power lifter-Strongman – Dated on and off, starting in the spring.  He runs his own business and lives out of state. He is also caring for his mother which takes quite a bit of his time. He always makes me laugh and is very witty.  We've always had good chemistry, from the moment we met, it seemed like we'd known each other for years. He's handsome and always fun to be around.   I like him a lot; it just seems that we want different things out of life. He has become a good friend.  We still talk on the phone and even see each other now and then.  I just don't see it going anywhere.

5.       30s, Never Married, Coach, new to East TX – One date.  He was really sweet and cute. I just don’t think he felt a spark with me.  Nice guy though.

6.       Prefers not to be mentioned.

7.       40s, Never Married, Engineer – One date.  He asked a million questions.  Seemed like a job interview. I obviously didn't get the job.

8.       40s, Never Married, Computer Engineer/PhD grad student - Super nice.  Great conversationalist.  Sweet, cute, funny and witty.  He lives almost 6 hours away from Tyler.  As much as I like him, the distance may prove to be too much. We still talk often.  I consider him a good friend.

9.       40s, Divorced, Lawyer – One date.  Socially awkward.  Kind of strange.  I honestly can’t even remember his last name. 

10.   40s, Divorced, worked on Motorcycles?? – One date. He has been married 4 times and admitted he had an affair – enough said.

11.   40s, Divorced, Safety specialist for a well-known company, 3 kids – One date. He initiated several text conversations after our date, but never mentioned getting together again.   He seems like a really nice guy but I guess there just wasn't enough of a spark for either of us.

12.   Late 40s, Never Married, Sales and delivery for a well-known food company. – Really kind.  Very old fashioned, seems like an old soul.  I might be a little too sarcastic and sassy for him?? I’m not sure he really ‘gets me’. 
For many years I've had a fear that I would marry having only really dated a few people.  I don't worry about that anymore.  I've seen what's out there.  I know what I want and what I don't want.  I'm very grateful for the opportunities to date. For the most part it's been good for my self esteem, except for my experience with #1.  Even though I was heart broken over the way things ended with #1, my experience with him has brought about a great deal of personal growth. 

My mother recently reminded me of how I used to complain of loneliness.  I would say “If I just had a date every now and then. . . .”  Oh the nights I prayed for  someone to date.  I was so lonely and sad.  In the past couple of years that prayer changed.  I began to pray for one specific man.  I’m grateful for all the dating opportunities, but for some reason, I’m still lonely. 

One of my favorite movies to watch in the Christmas season is Little Women.  I think Amy , the youngest sister, said it best.

“You don't need scores and scores of suitors; you only need one, if he is the right one.”                                                     - Little Women

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever find the right one. Love shouldn’t be this difficult. 
I know my prayers in 2013 will be considerably more specific.  I’m excited to see what God will do. For tonight I’m watching Bridget Jones and identifying with this clip.  You will have to click on "Watch it on Youtube" in order to view it.

It's hard to be patient.  Some days I think, "Where is he already, I'm exhausted."  But I know the best things in life come to those who wait.  I also know God has a purpose for this time in my life, even though it's not easy.

To all the Singletons out there - Keep the Faith!